Self-compassion involves treating ourselves the way we would treat someone we love dearly if they were having a hard time.
It means first noticing we are suffering at all and being mindful of the felt experience of pain in our minds and bodies. Then, it’s reacting to that suffering with love and kindness, as opposed to the harsh self-criticism that comes easily to so many of us. Finally, it acknowledges the shared human experience of pain, failure, and imperfection. We are not alone.
Mindfulness. Kindness. Common Humanity.
To some, this may feel like a breath of fresh air. You may sink into the practice of self-compassion and just soak in the yummy, loving, tender feelings.
But to others? You’ll have concerns. You may ask this, “Isn’t this all a bit too touchy-feely and soft? If I’m kind to myself, won’t I just let myself off the hook and do nothing?”
To you, my friends, I want to assure you that self-compassion is not all rainbows and butterflies. It isn’t all feel-good and easy. Sure, it is all of that (and you’ll learn to love it- eventually). But, it is also a mama bear fierce and deeply protective. It is hard work and making things happen.
It is yin and yang.
The beauty of yin and yang is that seemingly opposites are actually complementary and interdependent- each containing a bit of the other. So not either/or, but both/and.
So, yes, sometimes it is yin.
The yin of self-compassion is comforting, soothing, and validating.
Practicing this looks like supporting ourselves through emotional suffering, just like we would do for a close friend. Or helping ourselves feel physically calmer and more relaxed in our bodies. Or expressing understanding and acceptance of our experience in a tender way.
It is with ourselves in a compassionate way.
It is tender.
The Yang
The yang, on the other hand, is protecting, providing, and motivating.
Practicing this looks like creating safety from harm by standing up for ourselves and learning to say “no.” It is giving ourselves what we really need, even when we are still gathering the conviction to believe we deserve it. Finally, it is coaching ourselves to meet our goals and work towards achieving all of our aspirations with support and kindness.
It is acting in the world to fight for ourselves in a compassionate way.
It is fierce.
We Need Both
The truth is, one of these sides will surely come easier to you than the other. And that is okay! Let it simply be a wonderful indication that you may need to start working on bringing the other half of self-compassion into your life.
Ask yourself what you need at this very moment. Really listen. Is it a kind word, a soothing touch, a warm bath? Is it feeling your feet firmly beneath you, finding your voice, and saying “no” without apologies?
Maybe, it’s a bit of both. Yin and yang. Tender and fierce.
Confused? Need more guidance? Reach out to one of the best therapists in Dallas, like me, for valuable therapies and counseling experiences such as emotional massage therapy and holistic spiritual counseling, including Reiki energy healing in Dallas.
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